❰ it's not even that adalia disagrees — if it comes down to letting the inquisition make her a phylactery or kill anyone who tries, she'll kill whoever she has to. but taking it as a foregone conclusion, refusing to even attempt negotiation... that's so harsh. her way or the highway, and the highway is full of bandits who would rather die than lose.
what's worse is she knows plans are being made, and some people have thoughts and ideas... and she's not involved in any of their discussions. she wants to help, but she can't. she's useless, and worthless, and of no good to anyone.
...who knew she'd get so maudlin when drunk. ❱
I don't think I'm sober enough for this, ❰ she admits, her voice small, and after a moment adalia lets herself collapse forward, mashing her face against alacruun's sternum. he smells nice, at least, and his chest is warm through his clothes, and he's so broad it's difficult to feel as though she has anything to really worry about. she's a valuable asset; he'll keep her safe. ❱
Everything is a lot, right now. ❰ her voice is slightly muffled by alacruun's chest. ❱
[ This is the first time Alacruun has really seen her drunk, so it's a bit of a surprise. He's still not quite sure what he's meant to be doing - or what it is she wants. Comfort? Companionship? She'd made it clear that she didn't remember anything and even though that stung, he'd reluctantly tried not to force it on her. But here she was, practically curling up in his lap.
He was never going to understand mortals.
Still, she's upset. And that's worth addressing. He very slowly cradles the back of her head with his hand, trying to think of what might be... best. ]
Don't worry, dearest.
[ He lowers his head so he can murmur to her. ]
You'll always have me to look out for you, if nothing else.
adalia is drunk enough she can admit to herself that it is anyway. ❱
The only upside to being a soulless monster serving a terrible god: no one's gonna fuck with me I don't wanna be fucked with by. ...that sentence was weird.
❰ adalia narrows her eyes and purses her lips, frustrated at her own inability to speak understandably. she shifts and pushes herself up, moving from flopped in alacruun's lap to straddling it, her hands on his shoulders as she blinks up at him, eyes somewhat glassy with drink, but still aware. ❱
Why are you the only person looking out for me? Why am I so unlovable?
❰ she sounds so much younger than she intended, so much whinier — it's not as though no one else cares about her. gwenaëlle, at least, calls her a friend, and iorveth cares, to some extent. solas called her lethallan. but none of them care about her the way she wants to be cared for. no one else is here, letting her flop all over them like a child. ❱
And I'm not terrible. I reward my followers, you know.
[ He laughs - the discussion isn't about him, anyway. It's about her and her insecurities and the way she seems to want to cling to him, if only because he's relatively stable. If only because he's willing to listen - or at least act like he is. He rearranges his weight with a little cock of his head as she settles on his lap. ]
I don't think you're unlovable. I just don't think the others understand you. They don't... see what you can do. Your potential. They haven't worked side-by-side with you, seen what you're willing to do - seen what you can do. But if they can't see that? That's their fault.
[ He reaches a hand up and cups her chin gently. [
❰ she could argue the point, the points — she sold her soul to him for akrasiel's, what does that make her if not soulless, rewards do not not-terrible make — but it's so much easier to just lean into his hand and close her eyes and let him soothe her ego for a moment. to believe that she is special and lovable and worthwhile, and if no one else can see it, at least he can. someone cares.
(gwenaëlle cares. solas cares.
they aren't here to tell her so, though.)
adalia's only ever kissed one person, and probably never particularly well. drink won't help in that regard. but she wants so badly to be close to someone, anyone, and here alacruun is, and isn't this what he wants? he won't push her away if she's just giving him what he wants. but it has to be good, she can't cock this up like she did her words a couple seconds ago — adalia takes a deep breath and slowly, deliberately raises herself up on her knees to press her lips to alacruun's. ❱
That's the only thought that goes racing through Alacruun's head in that brief, flickering moment when he realizes that Adalia is going to kiss him. As far as he knows, they've only kissed once before and then when he arrived here she insisted they hadn't and that she would never, that he ought not to think about that sort of thing. He should think of something clever, of how to turn this. How to twist this into something he can use.
Instead his mind short-circuits a little as their lips meet. He's kissed before, but this is something he's wanted and craved in a terrible, all-encompassing, desiring way. He's wanted her to belong to him. He's wanted her to acknowledge that. And here it is (sort of).
He breathes out, shoulders falling slack just a touch.
And he returns the kiss with a tentative sort of delicacy. ]
❰ there was a part of adalia that was just — waiting for this to go wrong, like everything else she tries at does. that expected alacruun to shove her off his lap, or to have been lying about this being something they did when he was from, or for him to have decided he didn't want her, or... any number of things, really. but the tension of his shoulders relaxes, and he kisses her back, and she shudders out a relieved breath against his lips, her fingers digging into his shoulders.
she's not well-versed in this, but she knows what she wants. her lips part, just slightly, where they're pressed to Alacruun's, slotting to his more comfortably, and she slips one hand from his shoulder behind his neck, encouraging him to tilt his head to the side in search of a better angle. her tongue slips out to test the seam of his lips, and she leans forward —
before dropping back down on her knees, cheeks burning, butterflies churning in her stomach. ❱
Sorry. I shouldn't — I'm sorry. I'm drunk.
❰ the last not so much an excuse — i wouldn't have, except i'm drunk — as an explanation — i'm drunk, so i shouldn't be kissing anyone. ❱
[ Alacruun doesn't try to hold onto her or force her to stay close. He's honestly just enjoying it for what it is while his brain catches back up. As it is, he's still a bit breathless when she pulls away and rather sad that that hand isn't staying at the nape of his neck. That felt nice.
He blinks at her and tries to stifle a slightly stunned laughed. ]
I... don't mind? But if you'd rather not, I'm not going to make you or anything so barbaric.
[ He's going to be riding this particular emotional high for a little bit. ]
I thought you didn't want anything to do with me. That's all.
❰ did she say that? she did say that, didn't she. adalia waves her hand in front of her face, vaguely gesturing at alacruun and also waving that idea away — ❱
I didn't really know you when you showed up, did I? As far as I was concerned the last time we'd had contact was when you were yelling at me for saving Charis. And you bartered for my soul, you're not a nice person.
❰ except for how gentle he is, with her in his lap and her lips on his. he's nice now, now that he has a goliath's body and her to cuddle up to. was it really just the captivity that made him so terrible? ❱
[ Alacruun is not eager to repeat the argument over the whole selling her soul thing. He made an offer, she accepted. She could've walked away if she'd been content with letting someone else die. The irony isn't lost on him - if she'd been more self-centered, this never would've happened and he wouldn't be here, encouraging her to think more of her own needs than another's. ]
I made an offer.
[ That's all he says on the matter, trying to be diplomatic about it. Besides, what she says next is far more interesting. She can likely see the lights flicker on in his eyes as he leans forward slightly. ]
Oh? Am I not? Perhaps I should try harder. Would that please you? To have me be as frightening as you found me then?
❰ adalia actually thinks about that for a second, blinking at alacruun as she considers the question, before she shakes her head. ❱
No, I like you better like this.
❰ of course, there's something to be said for how much she enjoys arguing with him, and the little thrills that run through her when he's staring at her all intensely. and the idea of what he could do with those arms if he was pushed —
but no, that's all just stuff she likes when she's in a mood. ❱
I feel like you have to be less of a dirty secret. I don't have to worry that people know we're close, if you're not obviously out to destroy the world.
❰ destroy, enslave, tomato tomahto. ❱
Edited (can't repeat icons!!!) Date: 2018-05-15 02:39 am (UTC)
❰ again, adalia waves her hand in front of her, waving away his words. ❱
Unimportant. And any bit of monster is too much monster, you're ridiculous.
❰ with the clear implication that if alacruun is not a complete monster, it's only by a slim margin, and it still counts enough for adalia to consider him the villain of her story. just no longer so villainous she has to worry that anyone who knows they interact will hate her. ❱
Point is —
❰ she sways abruptly forward, overbalancing and shooting her hand out to support herself on alacruun's chest before she can faceplant against him again. ❱
Point is... You're better like this. I feel safer.
❰ adalia's hand hasn't moved from alacruun's chest. ❱
Well, me making you safe is an improvement. We're practically to whow I remember things now.
[ He's... a bit dry with that remark and he might be being a touch bratty. But he's a bit touched at the same time. He's not really used to making people safe, but she's probably the one person he'd honestly like to extend that courtesy too. Even if it is mostly for his own warped reasons and sense of ownership.
He steadies her with a hand, sounding a touch more amused. ]
Well, yes, but what does that have to do with anything, ❰ says adalia, vaguely offended at the implication that her being drunk means she's saying something she shouldn't. doing things she shouldn't, almost certainly, hello alacruun's lap, but she hasn't said one thing that isn't factually true. or at least subjectively true, his safeness can't really be objective fact when it depends on her feelings —
point is, he has slandered her person, and adalia is Offended. ❱
Am I not allowed to get drunk, now? Everything is terrible, isn't getting drunk how people deal with things being terrible?
You're allowed to get drunk. Did I say you weren't?
[ He clicks his tongue disapprovingly. ]
I'm simply pointing out that your judgement might be a bit... impaired. That's all.
[ He brushes a few stray strands of hair out of her face with a low sigh. This is always difficult. Especially for him, because while it would be the easiest thing in the world (or would've been, anyway) to try and reach into her head and simply change her perception of him, that would've seemed - well. It wouldn't have been her, would it?
Why does he let his emotions get the best of him in this case? He doesn't know. It's a question he still asks himself from time to time. ]
I'm trying to look out for you. That's all. But you're absolutely free to make your choices, as you see fit. I'm certainly not going to stop you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2018-05-14 02:01 am (UTC)what's worse is she knows plans are being made, and some people have thoughts and ideas... and she's not involved in any of their discussions. she wants to help, but she can't. she's useless, and worthless, and of no good to anyone.
...who knew she'd get so maudlin when drunk. ❱
I don't think I'm sober enough for this, ❰ she admits, her voice small, and after a moment adalia lets herself collapse forward, mashing her face against alacruun's sternum. he smells nice, at least, and his chest is warm through his clothes, and he's so broad it's difficult to feel as though she has anything to really worry about. she's a valuable asset; he'll keep her safe. ❱
Everything is a lot, right now. ❰ her voice is slightly muffled by alacruun's chest. ❱
no subject
Date: 2018-05-14 02:34 am (UTC)He was never going to understand mortals.
Still, she's upset. And that's worth addressing. He very slowly cradles the back of her head with his hand, trying to think of what might be... best. ]
Don't worry, dearest.
[ He lowers his head so he can murmur to her. ]
You'll always have me to look out for you, if nothing else.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-14 02:44 am (UTC)adalia is drunk enough she can admit to herself that it is anyway. ❱
The only upside to being a soulless monster serving a terrible god: no one's gonna fuck with me I don't wanna be fucked with by. ...that sentence was weird.
❰ adalia narrows her eyes and purses her lips, frustrated at her own inability to speak understandably. she shifts and pushes herself up, moving from flopped in alacruun's lap to straddling it, her hands on his shoulders as she blinks up at him, eyes somewhat glassy with drink, but still aware. ❱
Why are you the only person looking out for me? Why am I so unlovable?
❰ she sounds so much younger than she intended, so much whinier — it's not as though no one else cares about her. gwenaëlle, at least, calls her a friend, and iorveth cares, to some extent. solas called her lethallan. but none of them care about her the way she wants to be cared for. no one else is here, letting her flop all over them like a child. ❱
no subject
Date: 2018-05-14 02:49 am (UTC)[ He's trying to be reassuring, honestly. ]
And I'm not terrible. I reward my followers, you know.
[ He laughs - the discussion isn't about him, anyway. It's about her and her insecurities and the way she seems to want to cling to him, if only because he's relatively stable. If only because he's willing to listen - or at least act like he is. He rearranges his weight with a little cock of his head as she settles on his lap. ]
I don't think you're unlovable. I just don't think the others understand you. They don't... see what you can do. Your potential. They haven't worked side-by-side with you, seen what you're willing to do - seen what you can do. But if they can't see that? That's their fault.
[ He reaches a hand up and cups her chin gently. [
I care, dear heart. Never forget that.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-14 02:58 am (UTC)(gwenaëlle cares. solas cares.
they aren't here to tell her so, though.)
adalia's only ever kissed one person, and probably never particularly well. drink won't help in that regard. but she wants so badly to be close to someone, anyone, and here alacruun is, and isn't this what he wants? he won't push her away if she's just giving him what he wants. but it has to be good, she can't cock this up like she did her words a couple seconds ago — adalia takes a deep breath and slowly, deliberately raises herself up on her knees to press her lips to alacruun's. ❱
no subject
Date: 2018-05-14 03:56 am (UTC)That's the only thought that goes racing through Alacruun's head in that brief, flickering moment when he realizes that Adalia is going to kiss him. As far as he knows, they've only kissed once before and then when he arrived here she insisted they hadn't and that she would never, that he ought not to think about that sort of thing. He should think of something clever, of how to turn this. How to twist this into something he can use.
Instead his mind short-circuits a little as their lips meet. He's kissed before, but this is something he's wanted and craved in a terrible, all-encompassing, desiring way. He's wanted her to belong to him. He's wanted her to acknowledge that. And here it is (sort of).
He breathes out, shoulders falling slack just a touch.
And he returns the kiss with a tentative sort of delicacy. ]
no subject
Date: 2018-05-14 04:17 am (UTC)she's not well-versed in this, but she knows what she wants. her lips part, just slightly, where they're pressed to Alacruun's, slotting to his more comfortably, and she slips one hand from his shoulder behind his neck, encouraging him to tilt his head to the side in search of a better angle. her tongue slips out to test the seam of his lips, and she leans forward —
before dropping back down on her knees, cheeks burning, butterflies churning in her stomach. ❱
Sorry. I shouldn't — I'm sorry. I'm drunk.
❰ the last not so much an excuse — i wouldn't have, except i'm drunk — as an explanation — i'm drunk, so i shouldn't be kissing anyone. ❱
no subject
Date: 2018-05-14 04:38 am (UTC)He blinks at her and tries to stifle a slightly stunned laughed. ]
I... don't mind? But if you'd rather not, I'm not going to make you or anything so barbaric.
[ He's going to be riding this particular emotional high for a little bit. ]
I thought you didn't want anything to do with me. That's all.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-14 04:46 am (UTC)I didn't really know you when you showed up, did I? As far as I was concerned the last time we'd had contact was when you were yelling at me for saving Charis. And you bartered for my soul, you're not a nice person.
❰ except for how gentle he is, with her in his lap and her lips on his. he's nice now, now that he has a goliath's body and her to cuddle up to. was it really just the captivity that made him so terrible? ❱
You were scary then, you're not now.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-15 02:32 am (UTC)I made an offer.
[ That's all he says on the matter, trying to be diplomatic about it. Besides, what she says next is far more interesting. She can likely see the lights flicker on in his eyes as he leans forward slightly. ]
Oh? Am I not? Perhaps I should try harder. Would that please you? To have me be as frightening as you found me then?
no subject
Date: 2018-05-15 02:38 am (UTC)No, I like you better like this.
❰ of course, there's something to be said for how much she enjoys arguing with him, and the little thrills that run through her when he's staring at her all intensely. and the idea of what he could do with those arms if he was pushed —
but no, that's all just stuff she likes when she's in a mood. ❱
I feel like you have to be less of a dirty secret. I don't have to worry that people know we're close, if you're not obviously out to destroy the world.
❰ destroy, enslave, tomato tomahto. ❱
no subject
Date: 2018-05-15 02:51 am (UTC)[ Alacruun sniffs indignantly. ]
Least of all this one. It's not mine. I barely belong here. So why would I want to destroy it?
[ He leans back in his chair slightly, giving her a bit more distance. ]
Give me some credit, dearest. I'm not a complete monster.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-15 02:58 am (UTC)Unimportant. And any bit of monster is too much monster, you're ridiculous.
❰ with the clear implication that if alacruun is not a complete monster, it's only by a slim margin, and it still counts enough for adalia to consider him the villain of her story. just no longer so villainous she has to worry that anyone who knows they interact will hate her. ❱
Point is —
❰ she sways abruptly forward, overbalancing and shooting her hand out to support herself on alacruun's chest before she can faceplant against him again. ❱
Point is... You're better like this. I feel safer.
❰ adalia's hand hasn't moved from alacruun's chest. ❱
no subject
Date: 2018-05-15 03:35 am (UTC)[ He's... a bit dry with that remark and he might be being a touch bratty. But he's a bit touched at the same time. He's not really used to making people safe, but she's probably the one person he'd honestly like to extend that courtesy too. Even if it is mostly for his own warped reasons and sense of ownership.
He steadies her with a hand, sounding a touch more amused. ]
You're also inebriated.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-15 04:01 am (UTC)point is, he has slandered her person, and adalia is Offended. ❱
Am I not allowed to get drunk, now? Everything is terrible, isn't getting drunk how people deal with things being terrible?
no subject
Date: 2018-05-15 04:29 am (UTC)[ He clicks his tongue disapprovingly. ]
I'm simply pointing out that your judgement might be a bit... impaired. That's all.
[ He brushes a few stray strands of hair out of her face with a low sigh. This is always difficult. Especially for him, because while it would be the easiest thing in the world (or would've been, anyway) to try and reach into her head and simply change her perception of him, that would've seemed - well. It wouldn't have been her, would it?
Why does he let his emotions get the best of him in this case? He doesn't know. It's a question he still asks himself from time to time. ]
I'm trying to look out for you. That's all. But you're absolutely free to make your choices, as you see fit. I'm certainly not going to stop you.